I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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