I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
