Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
