Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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