if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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