i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Sorry my hands just texted you
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
