i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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