I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
