do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
