When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
