is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
this hospital has no fireball
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize