Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
