Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
