My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Randomize
