She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
