Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
