she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
