She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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