i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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