Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
