Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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