Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
