Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
