we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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