I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
