normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
