If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
