I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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