she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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