I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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