omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
