Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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