I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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