He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
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