i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
