did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
