tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
