We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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