i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
