The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
