Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
