Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
