Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
