so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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