I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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