your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
So apparently I’m into choking now
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
