The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
