I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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