Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
