you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
