do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
