it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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