I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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