he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
