I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
