The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
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