I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You made out with two different species that night
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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