If i come over, it means nothing
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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