I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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