her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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