I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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