I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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