he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
found the other keg... it's in the tree
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
