You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
