I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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