I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
