You just made me feel so damn special
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
