He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
false alarm, still single
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
